THE CARMEL BEAT
The Magical Concept of Man Approved Feminism
Sarah Rebello
A few weeks ago, a conversation with a male acquaintance had me lost for words as he told me that he thought feminism was a sham because every person defined the term differently. In a world where you need allies and people who understand your plight to be able to make a dent in the patriarchy, why is it so hard for some of them to understand that having to share their top position of the food chain is the biggest of their problems? Well, there are some things we will never decode.
This concept of twisting a solution to suit the whims and fancies of those who have full autonomy over the situation that houses the problem just so that you can at least hope for some change in the situation is baffling, to say the least. Feminists constantly having to remind people that they too will benefit from our ideologies just so that they can consider it a doable notion. “So does that mean that I can hit you?” or “Men get sexually assaulted too you know?” are the standard lines you are bound to hear when talking to somebody who believes that women having equal rights to men would cause them the great inconvenience of having to work for your merit. And yet, we’re constantly trapped in this cycle of “exactly, sexual assault can happen to anybody and that’s what we’re trying to work against” or “no, all men aren’t monsters, chances are that you are not. It’s just that some people have predatory tendencies and we therefore have to be wary of everyone.”
Constantly having to justify that we could amount to the same as a man if we were given the same starting point. Having to repeatedly remind them to inform people that derogatory comments cannot be brushed off as jokes is a tedious task. To ask to be treated with the same respect as a powerful male counterpart, or maybe just be treated normally. Having to constantly say, “Feminazis are the problem, most feminists just want equality in all spheres”, when having to present feminism to men like you’re a contestant on Shark Tank instead of a human being asking for respect. These are the common things one goes through to when passing through this phase of man approved feminism but it’s only a certain amount of time before we have had enough.
Feminism has always been an area that non-feminists have to give their two pence about, the only thing that has changed throughout the years being the ways to break the cycle. Asking a family of three generations their views on feminism and the struggle they’ve had to face while trying to fight for their dignity led me to have a very interesting conversation with the matriarch of the family, Mrs. Subhadra Thapa. “I wasn’t allowed to say much against my male family members, as my chances to talk were quite slim in the first place so I, she did whatever she was told. I would cook throughout the day, look after my in-laws and children and wait on my family during meal times.” However, she would also go gamble and share her earnings with whoever needed it. She would give away huge quantities of food produce to provide for the underprivileged in her town. She would physically attack anybody who dared to lay hands on her children in front of her.
During these times when people have gone above and beyond for the sake of feminism, these simple acts hold a special sort of power. The actions of taking up the position of the provider and the protector, a role usually gatekept by male members of the family, is one that speaks volumes that are constant, rather than a momentary boom.
Wanting to have people agree with you on matters of human rights is something that is only human, even if we’re bending over backwards to make it happen. Maybe it won’t go down as the most impressive feats of feminism but who says it won’t make as impactful a statement.